For my daddy

I wrote this on father’s day for my father but never posted it.

2009 10 18_0805

My dearest Papa,

How ironic, that this father’s day coincides with the exact day you left us five months ago. Just like you would’ve wanted us to do, we are trying to move on, but your absence is felt every single day. I miss your warm concerned voice, always wanting to know if we are okay. I miss your gift of words, your beautiful emails, always motivating us to be better, telling us always that we can be do whatever we set our eyes on. I miss knowing that I can always call your number and be sure that if no one else is picking up their phone, you definitely will. I will miss your presence in the house you were building for us, the house you kept talking about, the house you said we can always come to, our children can always come to. Never could’ve imagined that when this dream of yours will be fulfilled, you wont be around to enjoy it and to welcome us when we come to visit you in it.

I miss being received by you every time I reached Pakistan and most of all being seen off by you at the airport. I will never forget that sight of you standing there and waving at me long after we had said our goodbyes and I was in the queue to go inside the departures lounge. Till the last glance was possible, I could turn around and see your face through the crowd, waving at me from above the people, and your eyes, your eyes said it all even if you didn’t say much. I will miss you asking me every time I’d come how long i was there for, and then when i told you, smiling and saying ‘Nahin bas hum rukwa leinge aur, flight postpone kara leinge’. And trying to convince me to postpone my flight till the last day. I will miss those endless cups of tea we would have every time I was over. I will miss seeing you sitting with your laptop in your bed surrounded by all those files of yours. I will miss knowing you are always there, knowing that if anything doesn’t turn out right, you are always going to be there for us. I will miss having you visit us, like you had planned to, but which never happened. I will miss all of that and so much more.

And most of all I will miss seeing you with Anya, seeing the relationship I know you would’ve had with her. For all of my life i will wish that you had more time with us, if for nothing else but to meet your grand daughter properly, to hug her to love her to play with her to enjoy her, to laugh and smile with her. I will miss her having a nana jan to talk to and to talk about. It will not be the same without you. Your quiet, steady presence in our lives will be missed every single day of our lives.

May you be blessed in that next life and may Allah taala reward you for the great presence you were in so many lives and for raising your daughters in the best possible way. Ameen. Don’t worry about us because you taught us well Papa, you prepared us for this day. We will be strong, we will get through this. We will make sure our losses turn us into better human beings iA. Happy Fathers Day Daddy, We will meet again inshAllah! May Allah bless you!

Your own,
Taiya.

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